your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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