Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
