Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
