New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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