DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
