she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
