singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
