I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
operation have a gay friend backfired
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
