I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
