I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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