Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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