Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
