Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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