last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
