just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do vagina's smell?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
