My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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