You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
