Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He better not be in your backpack
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
