hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
