He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
