I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
