I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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