U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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