Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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