I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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