Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
