Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
