I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
