The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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