her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
