She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
