I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
