this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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