either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
