So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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