Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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