Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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