so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
