just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
