your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
