I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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