So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
