ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
