What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
