You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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