I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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