Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
