You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
high people should be assigned attendants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
