Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
