first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
