Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
