You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize