I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
