whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize