i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
