I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
