scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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