They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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