Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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