Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
