Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
