I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No...this little piggys going to the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
