Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
