Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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