I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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