the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
