halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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