I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
