Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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