I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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