pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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