If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
People in love make me want to vomit
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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