Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
