There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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