so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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