You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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