this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.