ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?