I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?