I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.